peace tables, talking mushrooms, and early childhood conflict resolution.
I teach a mixed age group of children from 2–6 years old. As you can imagine, we have plenty of conflict throughout our days! On a whim, we decided to try something new in my classroom and see if it could help the children get through these rough patches. We made a Peace Table.
What is a Peace Table?
Borrowed from the Montessori educational method, a Peace Table is a welcoming area of the classroom designed to encourage conversation and conflict resolution. Ideally, it should be somewhere that doesn’t have too much foot traffic while also being visible, and close enough to the action that it can be accessed when needed.
The most important thing to consider is that the Peace Table should be a warm, welcoming place. We decorated ours with artwork by the children, a child-made sign, an earth-toned table cloth, a plant, a candle, and a small wooden mushroom figurine. Beside the table, we provided lots of helpful tools for emotion recognition and processing. These include a feelings board where children can attach their face to a choice of feelings to indicate how they feel, a feelings monster that they can “feed” their emotions to, a mirror, sand timers, and two our favourite books about making mistakes (Oopsie Doo) and mindfulness (I am Peace).
The area is carefully designed to be warm, welcoming, and calming. All materials are placed on low shelves, so that the children can see them and reach them on their own. Once created, the Peace Table is a place just for the children, and should allow them to feel comfortable to use it whenever they may need it.
How does it work?
It is vital that the Peace Table always remain a space for the children. We make a point to never use it as a punishment, or with any negative connotations. The Peace Table should never be somewhere the child goes when they feel as if they are in trouble, rather it should always be a place they find security, and search for solutions to their conflicts.
If there is a disagreement between two children, one child can ask the other to join them at the Peace Table. An optional variation is to have a ritual object, that one child can present to the other to invite them to the peace table. In our classroom, we have found that a verbal invitation is enough. On occasion, a teacher may suggest to the children that they could sit at the Peace Table, however most of the time the children will initiate it themselves.
Next, our mushroom figurine is used as a Talking Mushroom. Whoever holds the mushroom has their turn to talk, and the other child should listen. The introduction of the Talking Mushroom reduces anxiety and frustration, as the children don’t feel stress to shout over each other to make themselves heard. Even if they are not holding the Talking Mushroom, they know that they will have their turn next, and feel confident that they will have their moment to safely say their piece. This process works extremely well, and the children in our class only rarely need support from an adult to take turns speaking and listening.
The children are coached to express their side of things, listen to each other, and address each other’s concerns. This allows for each child to understand the other one’s perspective. At this age, empathy and theory of mind are still emerging, so this process provides clear information about how each child is feeling and thinking without the need for inferring. In this time, the children can also respond to each other’s statements as the mushroom is passed back and forth. This leads to a lot of “well I only did X because you said Y!” statements, and often clears up misunderstandings.
Finally, the children think of ideas that could help both of them to feel better. The goal is for them to find a solution that they both agree on. This stage is perhaps the most interesting one to observe, as the solutions they agree on are not always ones that we would have suggested for them. My personal favourite method is when they do dance performances for each other. This is the phase for reparations, and agreeing on a peaceful solution. It’s amazing to watch young children go through this process independently, and reach solutions that work for everyone.
We also have a candle on the table available to be used upon request. If the children want, we can light the candle as they talk. This can be a calming presence, and help encourage self-regulation in children who are feeling overwhelmed. Once the conflict is resolved, the children can blow out the Peace Candle together. This ritual is empowering and reflects the children’s agency as they blow out the flame and let go of the conflict.
Each time the table is used, we can watch the de-escalation of the conflict happen in real time. The children usually start feeling strong emotions, shouting at each other. Over the course of the discussion, their voices will gradually become softer, their words kinder, and their posture more relaxed. Once the conflict has been resolved, the children happily continue their day together, feeling stronger and more confident in their abilities to navigate their big feelings.
Introducing the Peace Table
Once the Peace Table was created, we introduced it by having a class meeting. We all sat around the table, and the teachers explained what the table was for and how to use it. We invited some children up to run through some role play situations of imaginary conflicts. This way, we could review the basic process of the conflict resolution conversation together (taking turns speaking and listening, discussing what happened and why, and finding a solution everyone can agree on).
The children were very excited about the table at first, which we expected and were prepared for. As it was new and interesting, the children were rushing to have a turn to play at the peace table. We allowed this to happen, as during this play they were actually reviewing the conflict resolution exchanges that they would later have at more serious times. One particular child really enjoyed role playing a conflict where they grabbed the talking mushroom and shouted, “I’m really mad because you won’t buy me an iPhone 11!!” — which was great! They were labelling emotions and clearly conveying why they’re feeling that way, all while having fun. This initial rush to play Peace Table helped them to integrate it into their daily lives. Now, the excitement has died down, but they all know how to use the Peace Table. The fact that this took minimal input from teachers, and they learned the process naturally is an awesome testament to the power of learning through play.
How is it going now?
Interestingly, the children have never been told to take extra care of the peace table… but they do. The items have never once been removed from the table and used in play elsewhere in the room. No other toys are ever left piled on it. In fact, the items on the Peace Table always remain in the same place until it is time to use them. Somehow they know that it’s a special place, and they treat it delicately.
They know that it is a place created just for them, and they know how to use it. Sometimes, children will choose to sit at the peace table on their own when they need time and space to themselves. Sometimes they will ask to eat lunch at the peace table if they are feeling overwhelmed by the noise at lunch. Most importantly, they will use it spontaneously throughout the day when something needs to be talked about.
When a conflict arises, they reach for the Talking Mushroom, and off they go! They need little to no intervention from adults, and we usually just stay nearby to observe and be ready to step in if needed. As the Talking Mushroom flies back and forth between them, the children show an amazing ability to resolve their conflicts. First, each one will share their side of the conflict. Next, they discuss any misunderstandings or sources of disagreement. The conversation naturally flows into trying to find a resolution, which can sometimes lead to some creative ideas. Recently, they have started suggesting, “Should I dance for you?”, which amazingly seems to be the best reparative action in their eyes. Finally, they will independently ask each other if they are feeling better following the resolution. The care and empathy in these moments is genuinely touching.
I cannot express how much the Peace Table has changed my class. Since we created the Peace Table, we have noticed that the children discuss things together more, they can regulate their emotions better, and they have much more empathy and sense of responsibility for each other. These skills are generalised across all environments, as well. In one recent conflict outside, one child grabbed a ball and said, “this can be the talking football!” and suddenly four children went from screaming at each other to having a respectful and productive conversation.
The Peace Table clearly shows how much young children are capable of, if they are just given the room and support to do so. Sometimes, these kids solve conflicts better than most adults! Trusting in their ability to develop conflict resolution and coping skills, and providing them with space and support to do so independently has been one of the most inspiring things I’ve seen in a classroom yet.
I can whole heartedly recommend the Peace Table, or any other similar safe space for anyone looking to support children through conflicts. Sometimes, the best “intervention” an adult can take is to trust in children, and make space for their feelings. They don’t always need the added pressure of an adult trying to solve their problems for them. Sometimes they just need a little empowerment and the space to try it themselves.
